A falta que senti.

"Eu tive um amor,mas foi a dor quem me ensinou a ser quem sou."

I thought i could figure you out, now I guess can't

I guess that after all that you’ve done and after all you have told me I learnt that love is not something that happens. I guess that now I believe that love is something that u build and feel growing inside you everyday that you see that someone cares about you.
I reckon you might be thinking that I don’t really love you, but I do, because you were the first one to listen and do what I was asking for. Maybe the point was that you was into me, and I have never lived something like this. Be in the position of being loved with no regrets, with no plans just with a heart. I guess that sometimes you was squeezing me to tight and I just couldn’t find a way to tell you without hurting you, so I held my breath as much as I could till the day I needed to breath. I hope that someday you can understand that this is the way that I work. That’s how I love, not more or less that the feeling that you had, but I love with less kisses and more feelings that comes through the eyes. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore but I do miss you. I really care about you, and it really hurts when you don’t answer me. I won’t ask you to do it if it feels uncomfortable, but some times just let me know that you still remember that we have a deal. I guess we told that we gonna be friends in the better way possible! Sorry for trying to make you be something that you didn’t want to. I guess it did hurt, but you did it. And I guess that I MUST confess that I could never ever say/think that you would be able to write such a beautiful thing as you did. By the end of that letters, I had a completely different view of you. I guess that if you have told me, or if I have seen you like this before…I guess we would be…I guess, I guess….I’m sure you are unique.

To be

Everybody is changing and I can’t feel it all around. Someone loves me and I can feel it beside me. I’m breaking another one. At least I guess I am.
I’m so into this that I can’t even trust you completely because everybody’s change and I know that tomorrow you won’t feel the same. You won’t feel like I do, because I guess I am the only one who can’t change with the seasons. I’ll try to stay with you just to don’t feel guilty, I am with you just to try to feel the same. But in my life everything has changed and I can’t feel the same. I feel free and I need to love like I never did. I’m sorry if I don’t feel the same as you do. I’m just trying to be the same.

Your way to think.

I guess i like to figure you out.

“In my fields of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby.”

I don’t want to go ahead. I don’t wanna lost all that world of imaginary dangers and happy endings. I’m afraid that all of the fun in being young will be lost. I’m pretty sure I wont be fine dealing with the grow up people world! I’m happy here…I’m happy being a kid which is 17 years old and have a lot of dreams…Dreams that I don’t even know how to make real...I never thought that I would have to make them real! I’m having a look at my world for the last time. I’m out of touch for the last time. I’m being a kid, I’m acting reckless for the last time! I’m dancing as I want to, because no one would matter if it’s good or not, because they would say. “it’s such a good kid, hey?”
I’m lying inside and trying to make it longer. I don’t want to cross the line. I’m afraid that this people will judge my imaginary world. I’m afraid of them make me leave my world. I don’t want to belong to the chaos of the grow up people reality. I can feel the pressure…I can see the due date. I can see they waiting for me…waiting to take me to the real world, where I’ll forget most of the things that is really important for a human. The world where everyday a little bit of my happiness and my soul will die, because I wont have time to look after them. I’ll be to busy living in the grow up people world and missing watch my purple sky fly over me.

Quem esta sempre me acompanhando.

Eu estive procurando algo pra escrever. Poderia escrever sobre distancia, sobre as linhas que eu tracei no meu mapa particular de lugares onde desejo voltar com alguém especial. Eu queria escrever que eu não tenho esse alguém especial. Mas eu cheguei tão longe sem ninguém do meu lado que não é justo fingir pra mim mesmo que eu não sou forte o bastante pra fazer tudo isso sozinho. Por mais que eu precise de alguém, eu ainda preciso provar a mim mesmo que eu sou forte o bastante pra olhar para os sorrisos de pessoas nas ruas e dizer eu não preciso disso. Por que no fundo eu acho que ninguém é tão sortudo quanto eu. Por que mesmo sozinho, a loucura não consegue chegar tão perto de mim. Já as pessoas que sorriem pela rua, encontram a loucura na primeira esquina quando se encontram sozinhas. Não vou mentir que às vezes eu a enxergo em todas as cores que podem existir. Ela me faz lembrar nós dois e me faz voltar a procurar esse algo que um dia vai me acompanhar. Mas eu não gastei tanto a sola dos meus sapatos pra deixar a loucura me encontrar agora. Espero que nunca seja tarde ou distante pra achar o que eu quero. Espero que um dia eu possa ver a loucura mudando de forma e se tornando em outro tipo de loucura. Espero um dia vê-la se transformar em paixão. E se não acontecer...

"Give me attention
I need it now
Too much distance
To measure it out
Chasing patterns
Across a personal map
Make your pictures
Where the lines overlap"